The IM that became A Sort of Love.

I was asked by Jess to preface this by saying it was late and she was tired and didn't much like how Ty turned out towards the end. But I liked it.

nortylaK: so let's begin.
nortylaK: they're...in Skids' dorm? or at Cy's?
Tarrot Cat: hmmmmm....i'm thinking dorm room.
Tarrot Cat: no sibs.
nortylaK: good call
nortylaK: so they're in Skid's dorm room, rainy afternoon
nortylaK: or late evening?
nortylaK: or very late evening?
Tarrot Cat: thinkin' v. late cause otherwise why would they be ready for bed?
nortylaK: good call
nortylaK: so it's late at night in Skids' dorm room
nortylaK: loud music blaring from next door
nortylaK: but they don't care, cause they're just chilling & watching TV
nortylaK: and his roommate went home again. cause it's so convenient like that
Tarrot Cat: Does he even have a roomate?
nortylaK: in some fics
nortylaK: I can ask, if you want.
Tarrot Cat: ::shrugs:: It'd be cool to know.
oh and even if they did care, Skids won't let Cya bitch them out cause Skids has to live w/ them not cya
nortylaK: true true
nortylaK: I shall ask her sometime. ^__^
nortylaK: okay. so anyway, they're alone, loud music in the halls
Tarrot Cat: right.
Tarrot Cat: and they're down to underwear cause they were supposed to be going to bed.
Tarrot Cat: like two hours ago.
nortylaK: but they didn't, cause they got silly
Tarrot Cat: obviously and Cya says something along the lines of, "don't hate me cause I'm beautiful, hate me because i'm brillant too" prompting Skids to smack him with a pillow.
nortylaK: so Skids smacks him. playfully. and then starts to laugh, and does it again
Tarrot Cat: ::growls:: You are aware that this means war.
nortylaK: ::tacklegrowlpouncepillowfight::
Tarrot Cat: ::grabs for a huge one and smakes him upside the head:: You'll never take me alive!!
nortylaK: oh really?? ::grabs pillow from hands & pins to the bed;:
Tarrot Cat: //meep!!// Do what you will! You can break my body, but you can never break my spirit! ::half-heartedly struggles::
nortylaK: somehow, I doubt that. ::ticklefest with fingers::
Tarrot Cat: ::hands slip over washboard stomah and almost by accident, tickle becomes more of a stroke:: Never...gasp...tangle....gasp..with the master. ::flips them both over until he's on top, straddling Skids:: I'm number one ::smugly::
nortylaK: That's hwat you think. ::wraps legs & flips them over::
Tarrot Cat: OOmph. You think you're the big man? ::attempts to roll over again, but winds up dropping them both to the floor in a heap.:: I think I win.
nortylaK: Cyanide, haven't you learned by now that you can't ever win with me?
Tarrot Cat: All to well. ::only half-joking::
nortylaK: ::stops:: you okay?
Tarrot Cat: ::stares at the ceiling, idly itching his stomach:: Yes....no.... Can I ask you something?
nortylaK: ::sits back, back against bed:: go for it
Tarrot Cat: Well have you ever....ever wanted something so bad that you would do anything to get it? but getting it meant it might ruin it? Spoil it completely?
nortylaK: ::shrugs;: sure. lots of things
Tarrot Cat: I don't mean like a new guitar or something really shiny....I mean really totally wanted something so bad it hurt...an idea or a person?
nortylaK: ::thinks:: Probably. But...if you want something so much, shoudln't you just *go* for it?
nortylaK: then you don't hafta hurt because of it
Tarrot Cat: You'd think it would be that easy right? but maybe this thing is fine right where it is, where you can sorta...i dunno...look at it in the window, but if you had it in your hands it might look diffrent...it might be better just to leave it there.
nortylaK: Oh. You mean, like, when you like someone.
nortylaK: And you proabably shouldn't, cause it's like...someone you're really good friends with?
Tarrot Cat: Yeah...something like that. ::bites inside of his cheek::
nortylaK: Yeah. Then I definitely know how that feels.
nortylaK: Cause see, ::sighs:: There's someone...
Tarrot Cat: //shit shit shit shit shit/// Really? I didn't know that... //shit shit shit! such a fuckin' moron//
nortylaK: ::nods:: Yeah. I, uh. We're really good friends, have been for years.
nortylaK: But...
nortylaK: it's...sometimes? when I look at him? it's like the world slows down
nortylaK: stops
nortylaK: and...::blushgrin::...and it's like everything is perfect just for a second
Tarrot Cat: and everything just means more....
nortylaK: ::nods::
nortylaK: A *lot* more. LIke, everything.
Tarrot Cat: and you just wish you could say something.
Tarrot Cat: and....hold up. HE?!
nortylaK: Heh. Yeah. He.
nortylaK: ::turns head slightly:: That surprise you?
Tarrot Cat: Actually...not really.
Tarrot Cat: ::pushes up to his forearms:: you should be allowed to love whoever you want.
Tarrot Cat: I should be the limited one.
nortylaK: ::exhales:: I wish it were that easy.
Tarrot Cat: I don't think it ever is.
nortylaK: No see...
nortylaK: this guy? we can't...at least...yeah. we can't really be...together
Tarrot Cat: ::raises an eyebrow:: Is he mental? Cause I could...ya know...TALK to him, real freindly like if he hurt your feelings...
nortylaK: No! No. He didn't...he hasn't...
nortylaK: he doesn't like guys, Cyan.
nortylaK: so...there won't ever be any feelings
Tarrot Cat: ::shakes head:: Sexuality is a pain in the ass.
Tarrot Cat: I mean...take me.
nortylaK: ::gulps::
nortylaK: yeah?
Tarrot Cat: If I wasn't so damn hetero, I'd probably be a lot happier right now..
Tarrot Cat: I should loosen up.
Tarrot Cat: or something.
nortylaK: ::shakes head:: no. you shouldn't ever force yourself to be something you'r enot
Tarrot Cat: ::hesitates:: I don't know that it's not me anymore.
Tarrot Cat: I mean...you know.
nortylaK: I know?
Tarrot Cat: I mean like......even the straightest straw is a little bent right?
nortylaK: ::frowns slightly, clears throat::
Tarrot Cat: ::turns over, head on chin:: Sorry, did I freak you?
nortylaK: no, no.
nortylaK: just...
nortylaK: how the hell do I say this
nortylaK: fuck it.
Tarrot Cat: ::eyes widen::
Tarrot Cat: woah.
nortylaK: ::turns & grabs cya's face in his hands::
Tarrot Cat: meep!
nortylaK: ::presses their foreheads together::
nortylaK: If I do this, will you hate me?
Tarrot Cat: ::hyperventalates::
Tarrot Cat: no.
Tarrot Cat: never.
nortylaK: ::closes eyes tightly::
Tarrot Cat: ::lips part slightly::
nortylaK: just pretend I'm that person you want
nortylaK: ::presses his lips to Cyan's::
Tarrot Cat: ::lets hands fall to cream whites sholders and just enjoys for a moment, before pulling back and searching brown eyes:: You. For months, years, it's only been you.
nortylaK: ::whispers:: keep pretending
Tarrot Cat: ::laces hand in wild light brown hair, lets out a long shuddering breath:: I'm not.
nortylaK: ::eyes blink open, pulls back:: w-what?
Tarrot Cat: ::hands drop to lap with gaze.:: That's why I never said anything. Because of the face you're making right now.
nortylaK: so you mean...that person you mentioned is...
Tarrot Cat: yeah.
Tarrot Cat: ::hugs knees to chest, suddenly chilly::
nortylaK: ::sighs & closes eyes, leaning in toward him, running a hand across his cheek:: why didn't you ever say anything?
Tarrot Cat: Blind fear.
Tarrot Cat: Because you're all I really have.
nortylaK: and you thought...?
Tarrot Cat: That you'd hate me or reject me or try and pretend like nothing had ever happened.
nortylaK: does it look like I'm doing that now?
Tarrot Cat: ::looks up, nuzzles the hand on his cheek:: No?
nortylaK: No. ::smiles::
Tarrot Cat: Then....::looks a little lost:: You know. I never really thought past this part.
nortylaK: ::grins:: I have. ::kisses him hard::
Tarrot Cat: ::goes weak with schock before leaning in, his legs are in the way, so he kneels, trying to get a better angle::
nortylaK: ::hands travel downward, locking around cya's back::
nortylaK: ::pulling him closer::
Tarrot Cat: ::goes willingly, attempting to practically crawl into his skin, mutters into his mouth:: You taste like rain.
nortylaK: You taste like pizza. ::licks at his lips::
Tarrot Cat: ::grins like a lunatic:: Shut up and kiss me.
nortylaK: ::smiles:: I thought that's what I was doing
Tarrot Cat: ::pushes him gently, so he's straddling him on the floor. :: No, this is kissing. ::leans down and traces lips with toungue, nudgeing them open wit the tip of his tounge::
nortylaK: Oh. well, you would know. ::submits::
Tarrot Cat: ::stops:: Are you calling me a slut?
nortylaK: ::rolls eyes & flips them over::
nortylaK: I'm calling you a good kisser.
nortylaK: now, are you gonna prove me wrong?
Tarrot Cat: Dios, i hope not.
nortylaK: :;grins:: so don't.
Tarrot Cat: ::runs a hand up alabaster skin:: you're sure about this?
nortylaK: are you?
Tarrot Cat: ::seriously thinks about it for a minute:: I think that this is the first time, i've actually been sure of anything.
nortylaK: and you're *sure*? cause once we do this...
nortylaK: there's no, you know. turning back.
Tarrot Cat: ::blinks:: That sounded properly dramatic. You have passed the point of no return...
Tarrot Cat: but yes.
Tarrot Cat: ::grinds hips up:: definitly sure::
nortylaK: ::pushes wrists to the floor::
nortylaK: good.
Tarrot Cat: ::growls low:: I was using those hands.
nortylaK: yeah? well watch me use mind. ::proceeds to do so::
Tarrot Cat: ::groans::
nortylaK: ::smiles::
nortylaK: enjoying this?
Tarrot Cat: gabibble
Tarrot Cat: ~!
nortylaK: ::licks lips::
nortylaK: I'm glad.
Tarrot Cat: ::eyes go wide:: When did you become a slut? That's my stereo type!
nortylaK: I can appear to be many things, precious.
nortylaK: ::grins wider::
nortylaK: or had you forgotten that?
Tarrot Cat: No sir!
nortylaK: ::brushes cya's hair aside::
nortylaK: ::leans in & whispers::
nortylaK: good.
Tarrot Cat: meep!
nortylaK: you can go back to pretending now
Tarrot Cat: wha?
nortylaK: pretending, precious. like you always do.
Tarrot Cat: uhhh...
Tarrot Cat: you lost me.
Tarrot Cat: ::wild fear rising::
nortylaK: ( <=== likes surprise endings)
Tarrot Cat: ((what's going on?!))
Tarrot Cat: ((is he channeling tybalt?))
nortylaK: close your eyes
Tarrot Cat: ((and it better not be a dream sequece))
Tarrot Cat: ::complies::
nortylaK: (s'not a dream! just...wonky reality)
Tarrot Cat: (ho boy, all right go for it))
nortylaK: now what were you saying about dreaming about me?
Tarrot Cat: I dreamed about you all the time... talking to you, holding you, kissing you, watching you touch yourself, letting me do it..
Tarrot Cat: i always wake up before it matters.
Tarrot Cat: before i get to say anything important.
nortylaK: ::nods & softens voice:: I dream about you too
Tarrot Cat: ::shaky voice:: really?
nortylaK: ::trails finger over jaw:: mmmmm.
Tarrot Cat: ::shivers:: what....what about me?
nortylaK: I dream...::pushes against him::...about us...::does it again::...like this
Tarrot Cat: ::arches into the contact, makes tiny throaty sounds::
nortylaK: that's right...::pushes forward::
Tarrot Cat: I'm so sorry I didn't say anything, Skids. I didn't realize...
Tarrot Cat: ::groans::
nortylaK: ::mutters to himself::
nortylaK: ::pushes forward::
nortylaK: d'you even remember who *you* are anymore?
nortylaK: ::leans face closer::
Tarrot Cat: ::gasps:: Cyanide Torressssssss
Tarrot Cat: Tough as nails.
nortylaK: mmm. that you are.
Tarrot Cat: Bitchy.
nortylaK: ::digs nails into his sides::
Tarrot Cat: Whory.
Tarrot Cat: ::groans leans into the painful touch::
Tarrot Cat: And deep down just trying to get along.
Tarrot Cat: Who the fuck are you?
nortylaK: I'm the man who makes you scream, who makes you beg, who makes you forget your reality
nortylaK: ::grins::
Tarrot Cat: Toto. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Tarrot Cat: ::mostly a mutter::
nortylaK: ::licks lips::
nortylaK: d'you even recognize this place? ::thrust::
nortylaK: or me? or am I still that Italian you always see?
Tarrot Cat: Heaven? Hell? (TiH?!)
Tarrot Cat: You're never that Italian.
nortylaK: I was just a moment ago, precious.
Tarrot Cat: You're glorious.
nortylaK: I am, aren't I.
Tarrot Cat: You're beauty and love and laughter gone cold and wrapped in warm skeins.
nortylaK: mmm. ::kisses him hard:: tell me more
Tarrot Cat: I'd worship you, but you're to human, I'd lust after you but you're to divine. So I just love you because that's the best I have.
nortylaK: I'm all you have. You said it yourself.
Tarrot Cat: Yes.
Tarrot Cat: everything.
nortylaK: I'm all you'll ever have.
nortylaK: And you want me. With every drop of your soul. Don't you.
Tarrot Cat: yessssssss.
nortylaK: ::whispers in his ear:: don't you.
Tarrot Cat: Yes!
Tarrot Cat: Dios, yes!
Tarrot Cat: Please....
nortylaK: ::thrusts harder & harder & harder::
Tarrot Cat: ::takes everything he can get, rocking in waves of pain/pleasure, mind totally blown::
nortylaK: ::pushes him to his end::
Tarrot Cat: :: a low reverbrating moan as he comes, then drops boneless to the floor::
nortylaK: ::sits up & pushes his hair back behind his shoulders & regards the latino::
Tarrot Cat: ::trying to glue together scattered neurons::
nortylaK: ::smiles::
nortylaK: yes. it's all coming back to you now, isn't it. like it always does
nortylaK: so was it good for you too?
Tarrot Cat: ::tries to sit up, manages after third try:::
nortylaK: ::cocks head to side::
Tarrot Cat: ridden hard and put away wet
Tarrot Cat: ::croaks::
nortylaK: ::rises to his feet::
nortylaK: go and clean yourself off. you're a mess
Tarrot Cat: ::eyes widen in confusion:: What? where? ::glances around::
Tarrot Cat: What the fuck was that?
Tarrot Cat: and what the hell is going on?
nortylaK: what is always is. you. trying to forget. like you always do
Tarrot Cat: Forget what?
Tarrot Cat: !
nortylaK: I stopped caring
Tarrot Cat: about me?
Tarrot Cat: ::is trying to understand::
nortylaK: ::kneels down::
nortylaK: do you remember who I am?
nortylaK: or do you still see him everywhere?
Tarrot Cat: Giovanni Dianglo.
Tarrot Cat: shit.
Tarrot Cat: Ty.
nortylaK: ::smiles:: good boy
Tarrot Cat: ::floods to him.::
Tarrot Cat: baby.
Tarrot Cat: god.
nortylaK: ::pulls him to his chest:: good boy
nortylaK: maybe you'll remember next time
Tarrot Cat: I...i don't think so.
nortylaK: ::strokes his hair back from his face:: then you'll have to keep pretending
Tarrot Cat: I hate this. I hate not being able to just let it die.
nortylaK: because you feel guilty still
Tarrot Cat: Because no matter how hard I try and forget, it's just another kind of pretending and one i'm not nearly as good at.
nortylaK: maybe you don't want to forget
Tarrot Cat: ::shrugs:: does it make a diffrence?
nortylaK: how would you like it if every time I fucked you, I callled you mikhael?
Tarrot Cat: ::draws back and looks deep into green eyes:: I don't think I'd have the energy to care.
nortylaK: tell me you love me, precious
nortylaK: say it and mean it
Tarrot Cat: ::stares at him dully:: You first.
nortylaK: ::smirks & rises:: I thought so. Clean up.
nortylaK: You've been coloring on yourself again.
Tarrot Cat: ::stumbles to his feet::
Tarrot Cat: Yeah.
Tarrot Cat: Habit.
Tarrot Cat: Can I ask you something?
nortylaK: ::nod::
Tarrot Cat: ::pulls arms tight around him:: if you hate what I do so much, why do you keep coming back?
nortylaK: because you're all I have
nortylaK: ::tilts his chin up::
Tarrot Cat: ::snorts::
Tarrot Cat: Yeah.
Tarrot Cat: Two way streets are a bitch, ain' they?
nortylaK: ::nods:: Mmm. ::kisses him:: But at least I remember who you are.
Tarrot Cat: ::accpets the kiss:: Yeah, but you don't care.
Tarrot Cat: I could be Phil, Joe, Mik....doesn't matter.
Tarrot Cat: I'm warm.
Tarrot Cat: and i have a pulse.
Tarrot Cat: and most of the time I can string together a coherent sentane.
nortylaK: ::grips him roughly at the shoulders::
nortylaK: don't you ever say that to me again
Tarrot Cat: what?
Tarrot Cat: that you're an unfeeling bastard?
Tarrot Cat: Cause i've lost everything before Ty.
Tarrot Cat: I know what to do.
Tarrot Cat: I know how not to die.
nortylaK: you've lost everything? YOU'VE lost everything?
Tarrot Cat: You taught me that.
nortylaK: I don't even have YOU anymore.
Tarrot Cat: You never did.
nortylaK: ::smacks him across the face::
nortylaK: you would be LOST without me. you'd be NOTHING. you were a mess after it was all over
Tarrot Cat: yes.
Tarrot Cat: You helped me.
Tarrot Cat: You made me an addict to solve the addiction.
nortylaK: ::releases him & steps back::
nortylaK: how dare you
Tarrot Cat: What?
Tarrot Cat: how dare I tell the truth for once?
nortylaK: ::turns his back::
Tarrot Cat: step out of my private shell/
Tarrot Cat: that you helped me create?
Tarrot Cat: You know what.
Tarrot Cat: I do love you Ty.
Tarrot Cat: Against my will.
Tarrot Cat: I do.
nortylaK: ::won't turn around::
Tarrot Cat: because you're like fucking drugs. herione.
Tarrot Cat: and it makes me itch when you aren't near me.
Tarrot Cat: But i refuse to keep thanking you for giving me the time of day.
nortylaK: ::lifts head slightly, but does not move otherwise::
Tarrot Cat: I won't be a dog anymore.
Tarrot Cat: I won't come when you call.
Tarrot Cat: I won't eat your scraps.
Tarrot Cat: And i'm not letting you smack me around.
Tarrot Cat: But.
Tarrot Cat: I will.
Tarrot Cat: I will try and be your equal.
nortylaK: ::turns head slightly::
Tarrot Cat: You want me to remember who you are?
Tarrot Cat: Stop trying to tourture me.
nortylaK: heh. if you can keep your head on straight for an hour at a time
Tarrot Cat: I can.
Tarrot Cat: You have to let me.
nortylaK: let you?
Tarrot Cat: You don't give me reason to stick around.
nortylaK: you have nowhere else to go
nortylaK: you're a wreck on your own
Tarrot Cat: see.
Tarrot Cat: There you are.
Tarrot Cat: you undermine me with every word and every blow.
nortylaK: ::turns around, steps toward him::
nortylaK: :;reaches out a hand to brush his cheek::
Tarrot Cat: and you probably won't stop.
Tarrot Cat: but i wanted you to know.
nortylaK: ::;leans in close::
nortylaK: yes?
Tarrot Cat: yes.
Tarrot Cat: I love you Tybalt and i can't leave you.
Tarrot Cat: but that doesn't mean i don't think about trying.
nortylaK: then just pretend I'm the one you want. ::kisses him::
Tarrot Cat: ::pushes him away slightly:: You are what I want.
Tarrot Cat: just not like this.
nortylaK: then how?
Tarrot Cat: Like Cyanide and Tybalt.
Tarrot Cat: Like combatting werewolves with soft hearts and sharp claws.
Tarrot Cat: No like a beaten dog and his arrogent master.
nortylaK: ::pauses::
nortylaK: and...
nortylaK: and it would be me.
nortylaK: you...and me?
nortylaK: not him?
Tarrot Cat: Exactly.
Tarrot Cat: Red hair, green eyes.
nortylaK: ::thinks for a moment::
nortylaK: ::meets dark eyes::
Tarrot Cat: ::stares back::
nortylaK: ::looks down and reaches for his hand::
Tarrot Cat: ::laces fingers together::
nortylaK: all right.
Tarrot Cat: It starts like this. ::stands a straigter:: I need you in me.
Tarrot Cat: ::brings other hand to a pale shoulder::
Tarrot Cat: Now.
nortylaK: ::swallows::
nortylaK: then...it shouldn't be here
Tarrot Cat: Where hten?
nortylaK: ::glances toward the door::
nortylaK: maybe...for once...
nortylaK: where you'd like it
Tarrot Cat: ::nods slowly, and walks towards the door, leading the red head::
nortylaK: ::follows, for once::
Tarrot Cat: ::slings it open, turns on him:: last chance. Cause after this, I won't slip anymore Ty.
nortylaK: walk.
Tarrot Cat: Done. ::walks into the bedroom and sits gingerly on the end of the bed::
nortylaK: ::closes the door behind him, and opens a new chapter in his life::
Tarrot Cat: ::looks up expectantly, casual, relaxed and euphoric for the first time in ages. Thinks, yeah, maybe I can risk it all again::
nortylaK: (and shall we fade to black?)
Tarrot Cat: (sure!)