Cleansed

Everything is winding down, it seems. Classes are over, apllications are done. i feel new and clean. I did my ending ritual today. What I always do after a long stressful time: I woke up naturally, no alarm clock and streched in bed. Got up and without eating, systamatically cleaned my room. Everything, even did the laundry. Then I took a thrity minute hot shower, the type that leaves you still clean two days later. Lunch was an hour long with a sandwhich, fresh brewed coffee and carrot sticks. I read for a few minutes and then gathared up all my library books. REturned them all and picked up a fresh batch for Vegas. Went online and got the schock of a life time. SHE was on! and she IMed me! told me she got the letter. She doesn't hate me!!!! She said and I quote " I kinda feel the same way, but I don't want to lose our friendship. I'm afraid I'd chicken out on you." Which is fuckin' hilarious cause I bascially said the same thing in the letter. Anyway, she's not going to be home until i've left for Vegas so we're going to work it when I get back. I should still feel nervous or something, but a part of my whole ritual is that I don't feel much of anything, but just me. I haven't gotten to be just me in a few weeks and feels good.
I fell like I've pared myself down to one clean, happy being without any superfloucous emotion. I know that I'm ready for whatever happens with Her. Even if it turns out we just stay friends. Im ready to be happy or hurt. I can take it now.
I miss Jess already. Funny, a month ago and I didn't even know her, now I miss talking to her and she's only been away one day! People have a way of getting under your skin and staying there.
I might see Lord of the Rings tommorrow which makes me uberexcited. Oh, and i just read She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb, in one sitting. Three hours and it was worth it. His other book about psychotic twins wasn't nearly as good.
I wish it wasn't so late, so i could call Joe and talk to him about everything, but it is, so instead I came here and wrote everything down which is rather cathartic in it's own way.
Ha. Well, I used to say I couldn't write in journals. Guess that was a big lie!